What In God's Name Is Going On?

This past Sunday Bob left us ladies to go to North Carolina to take some depositions... He does not come back until Thursday. FYI - The girls & I have NEVER been alone together for more than 8 hours. As the girls & I pulled away from the airport parking lot after dropping off Bob, I had a feeling deep down inside that there was doom on the horizon. Call me psychic - I was right! We got through Sunday & Monday just fine - BUT then today, around 11:15am as I was making Caroline her lunch, I heard screaming. Although I didn't want to, I followed the screaming & discovered Caroline perched on top of the master bathroom toilet. Why? Because the toilet was overflowing at an alarming rate & she didn't want to drown. I have never screamed so loud in all my life. There were mounds & mounds of wet (DIRTY) toilet paper floating across my bathroom floor. Now, let's skip forward about 30 minutes... At this point, the floors were dry & disinfected. Since I couldn't rely on Bob for help, I took matters into my own hands. I retrieved the plunger from the hall closet & decided to unblock the toilet myself. I may not be a plumber, but I have successfully plunged a toilet a time or two in my life. So, I flushed the toilet & began plunging like a mad woman... Take a guess at what happened next? The FUC&*%# toilet overflowed AGAIN!!!! I was stunned, absolutely stunned... It was incredible, it was like a river! Anyway, I cleaned the mess up AGAIN & went on with my day. Well, about 5:30 this evening, Caroline dropped our grill cleaning spatula thingy on her foot, which resulted in a nasty gash below her big toe. After having my two wonderful neighbors inspect the wound, we all decided that she needed stitches. So, I loaded up both girls & went to Urgent Care. As we were waiting to be seen by a doctor, I called Bob to update him on the situation. While I was on the phone, Caroline accidentally dropped her toy on the floor, which made a loud noise. The older woman seated about two rows over from us looks at me & says, "Why don't you get off the phone & take care of your kids." I calmly put down the phone & engaged in the following conversation:
Me: Are you serious?
Crazy: Yes.
Me: Are you mentally ill?
Crazy: Look, I had to work all day... I don't want to sit here listening to your kids drop things.
Me: You must not have children.
Crazy: I have children.
Me: I can tell they really care about you, since you are sitting in an urgent care ALONE

I then resumed my telephone conversation with Bob. In a nice, loud voice, I told Bob that I had just spoken to a woman who was there to have a stick removed from her butt. Luckily, the receptionist came into the waiting room & removed her. What the hell? Okay, so after waiting for over an hour, we finally got to see a doctor. But when the nurse pulled back Caroline's band-aid to examine the cut, the damn thing had closed! Since when do gaping wounds close without medical intervention? The nurse cleaned the cut, slapped on a band-aid & the receptionist refunded my co-pay. WAIT... I'm not done. As soon as we got back home, I put the kids in the tub & fed them dinner. Once again, while I was in the kitchen, I heard screaming. I followed the screaming & found Angelina writhing around in pain on my bed. She was crying & complaining that the back of her knees were killing her. Okay, so far today I have dealt with overflowing sewage, a bloody foot & now a mysterious back-of-the-knee pain?!?!?! What the hell??? I gave Angelina some Motrin & propped her legs on top of a heating pad. She went to sleep... I think I'm afraid to go to sleep!!!!

Interesting TidBits

So, my kids are on Spring Break right now & both sick. I am taking a break from pumping them with Benadryl & Motrin to report a couple of interesting stories:

(1) This past Sunday our entire family gathered at my parents' house to celebrate my Dad's 68th birthday. Before the party, my Mother went to DairyQueen to pick-up the birthday cake - the birthday cake that was supposed to read, "Happy Birthday David". So, my Mom went into DQ & the cashier gave her the cake. Nothing odd about that, right? Well, on her way out the door she happened to glance down at the cake in the box & can you believe what she saw? "Happy Birthday ShitHead". Nice... If it were me, I would have kept the cake. BUT my Mother, being the Goodie-Good she is, exchanged it for the appropriate cake.

(2) If you have been reading the blog, then you know that Angelina is now a Bible-Beater. Well, this afternoon, Caroline came to me screaming & crying that Angelina had hit her. I confronted Angelina & asked the obvious question, "Why did you hit your sister?" Angelina answered in a very calm voice, "God says that you should do unto others as you would have them do unto you... Caroline hit me... So, I thought she wanted me to hit her." Can you tell she is the spawn of two lawyers?

From A Jew, To A Christian AND Back To A Horse...

Angelina has been obsessed with horses for about two years now. Why? I don't know - we don't own horses, we don't ride horses. Anyway, it has come to our attention that when at school, Angelina walks like a horse. Sound a little weird? Hell yes it's weird & quite frankly, I think Bob & I have reached the end of the tolerance line. How does one walk like a horse? Well, she puts her hands up like hooves, which then causes the rest of her body to go all "funky-looking". Seriously, her knees kind of turn in, her butt sticks out... The first time we saw the "horse girl" emerge was during our last trip to DisneyLand. At the "Princess Luncheon", every time Angelina posed for a photo with a Princess, her hands turned into hooves. Okay, there is no way to describe this in a politically correct manner - simply put, the child looks all "gimpy" when she is in horse mode. Seriously, we looked like our Princess lunch was being sponsored by the Make-A-Wish Foundation. Anyway, for the past few months Angelina has ceased doing the horsey at home, dance, park, etc. Bob & I foolishly thought that she had retired her hooves for good ... Well, this past Friday at Kindergarten Field Day, the horse emerged once again. Maybe it was all the racing that awoke the horse in Angelina. It was painful to witness. Below is a photo of Angelina approaching the limbo rope in full horse-mode... See what I am talking about? I know what you're thinking... Bob & I are currently trying to formulate a plan to dissuade my dear daughter from physically transforming her graceful, human form into funky horse-mode...

What Are We Going To Do With Her?

If I wasn't the person who actually birthed Angelina, I would ask, "Where did we get this child?" As many of you know, I cannot do math. That's why I went to law school! FYI - I can't do puzzles either. Angelina, on the otherhand, is a math whiz & a freakin' genius when it comes to puzzles. On Saturday nite, Angelina found some sidewalk chalk in our towel box on the back patio... Can you guess what she did with it? She didn't draw rainbows or ponies... No... She did mathematical equations with it. When I saw what she had done, I decided to take pictures. I know she is the ripe old age of 6, but really???? I also threw in a glamour photo of Angelina before school, so you can see also has a flair for fashion! Notice the silver purse? For some reason, she takes it to school everyday. Soooooooo mature.....

Happy Birthday, Baby Carly!

Today, my baby officially became a Big Girl! In just 4 short years, she has gone from "Baby Carly" to Caroline. She has gone from sweetly saying "Ma-Ma, Ma-Ma" to carelessly casting my opinion aside & saying in that not-so-sweet voice, "Whatever, Mom"! Aaahhhh, how quickly they grow up. Below are photos of Caroline's past birthdays... Enjoy!