PMS!!!!

I am using this blog to warn the public that I am suffering from a SEVERE case of PMS. Believe me, the heat-wave we are experiencing in the Valley is not helping my situation. OH, and the fact that I am trying to lose 10lbs. is not helping either. Oh the fun.... BTW, below is Bob's take on the situation:

Me: I have a horrible case of PMS.
BOB: You've had a bad case of PMS since 1972.
Me: What are you talking about? I wasn't born until 1976.
BOB: I know.

What the hell does that mean? He is a VERY brave man.

The Diet Begins....

Hello All! I am announcing to the world that I need to lose about 10lbs. Why? Because my bikini- bod is starting to resemble Kim Kardashian's & I don't have ass implants. Why am I telling you this? Because if I don't say it, I will never do it. I figure if I don't do it now, I will never do it & probably pack on 10 more. I need to knock off the carbs, including my precious Pinot Noir (who I will miss dearly). Weight loss is such a slippery-slope for me. Check-out the photos below: I am either way over-weight or way under-weight. But this time, I hope to get it right... At least that's what I'm aiming for - we will see.

We Have Reached A Milestone!

As I mentioned yesterday, we had a our new, SPOTLESS, carpet installed this morning... It is a breathtaking sight. So if you don't have kids, then what I am about to announce will not mean much to you... BUT, if you do have kids, especially a filthy, little juice-spilling 2-year old, who occasionally can't control the urge to pee or vomit on your carpet, then you will definitely appreciate this... Drum roll, please - Bob & I have reclaimed our master bedroom & bathroom. With the exception of napping, our room is now an "Adult-Only" zone. That's right, no more bath toys next to my razor, no more Barbie dolls hidden in my bed sheets - NADA! And while I hate to admit it, there is one more thing that has been banned from the room - Wine. I spilled A LOT of wine on the prior carpet (see horrific photo in the prior post).

Oh, and not to change the subject, but I just realized that I didn't post anything for Father's Day! So, I will now take a minute to pay tribute to my wonderful husband & the father of my two beautiful babies. When I asked Bob what has changed about his life since the arrival of our two little wild women, he responded as follows, "My life is better & happier and I don't want to die & miss seeing what these two are going to do." There you have it. I truly do hope that Angelina & Caroline come to realize how lucky they are - they have a loving daddy who works from home just so he can experience every single minute of their lives. He is there when they wake-up, he is there when they go to sleep & he is there for everything in-between. He lives to be a daddy & he is my best friend. He is the one who insisted we pick a female pediatrician, so the girls would know that doctors are women. He is the one who told Angelina that Stanford was where she belonged when she came to him & said she couldn't wait to go to Arizona State. AND, he is the man who talks about selling our house in 15 years, so we can follow the girls around when they are grown & on their own. Bob truly is one of a kind. Below are some photos of Bob & his babies from the early years...
Bob & Baby Angelina


Bob & Baby Caroline


Horsie By Day, Lawyer By Nite

Hello Again!!!!

Well folks, it's been awhile - I must say that I am shocked & surprised by how busy my days have become since these nutjob kids got out for summer vacation. It turns out that when they are both home all day, they actually expect me to get off my ass & do a whole bunch of stuff with them. I kid, I kid ... Anway, below are some Mann Family highlites from the past week.

Gymnastics: With the final dance recital behind us, I enrolled the girls in gymnastics. They are loving it. In fact, they love it so much that they are seriously considering hanging up their dancin' shoes. Unfortunately for Angelina, this past week, her enthusiasm for gingerly propelling herself into a backward roll resulted in a black eye & bruised cheek-bone. She flipped herself back with so much momentum that her knee flew right into her face. You should have heard the screaming & the moaning! When the child dances, she has the grace of an angel... When it comes to gymnastics, however, her limbs kind of fly around & if she's lucky, she moves her head just in time. Surely her coordination will improve with time... right? Between me & you, I am keeping those ballet shoes in a nice, safe place. AND, yes, the girls are sportin' hot pants.

The Grayhawk ShitHead: Before I get into the latest saga in my life, let me share with you a little background information. We live in a great North Scottsdale community called Grayhawk. We purposely moved here because of the great schools, great people, etc. BUT in recent months, our particular subdivision has been experiencing some vandalism (toilet papering, eggs, "shit bombs"). In fact, our poor neighbors had so many toilet paper rolls thrown into their pool that it broke the pool pump. Well, this past Friday nite, about 10:30, our door bell rang. When Bob & I went outside, our house was covered in toilet paper, silly string AND the icing on the cake - someone peed on my front door. To make an incredibly LONG story shorter, the toilet papering, shit-bomb throwing, front-door peer has been identified & is currently the subject of a Scottdale PD investigation. AND, yes, he is the child of one of our dear neighbors (and by "dear neighbors", I mean inconsiderate, irresponsible, jack-asses who choose not to supervise their child). If it were up to me, I would just go pee on their door.... Don't worry, Bob has repeatedly explained to me that we cannot resolve this matter in that way.

The Remodel: On a much happier note, my crappy master bedroom will not be crappy much longer. We started gutting & remodeling the house about 2 years ago & the only two things that remain are my master bedroom and bath. Check out the photos of my carpet... I'm not exactly sure what those stains are, but here are some possibilities: wine, throw-up, some form of food and/or pee. It truly is tragic. The painters were here on Monday & the new carpet is being installed tomorrow. THANK GOD!

Altho my life was quite busy this past week with the girls' lessons, the remodel, etc., I still managed to find time to make a complete ass out of myself. Here goes: About once a week, I make a trip to SuperWalmart to buy those household items that I refuse to pay almost double for at my regular grocery store. About 1/2 the time, I get the same lady at the check-out stand - let's call her "Jane". Now, over the past 7 months I have watched Jane's stomach steadily expand. Not in a fat,rolly way, but in a taunt, pregnant way. I've never said anything to her about it, but as I stood in line this past Friday, I noticed that her pants were unzipped. I thought about saying, "Hey, your zipper's down", but then I thought, "times are hard, maybe she is trying to make her regular pants last as long as possible & can't afford to buy maternity pants." So, when it was my turn & as Jane was scanning my jumbo pack of toilet paper, I asked, "When are you due"? Jane put down the toilet paper, looked me right in the eyes & said, "I'm NOT pregnant." Talk about being speechless... WTF? Did I insult her? Yes. Did I pray that the ground would open up & swallow me? Yes. Do I think this woman is going to end up as the star of TLC's "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"? Absolutely. Look, I know when I see a pregnant person...

I'm Not Dead...

I can't believe I haven't posted in so long... Things have been a little crazy around here lately, but I promise to post within the next couple of days!

A Star Is Born!

June 13th will forever be a magical day in the Mann family - today, Caroline made her first stage debut! And altho Bob was supposed to be in North Carolina until Tuesday, he caught a 6am flight back to Phoenix & made it just in time to see his baby shake & shimmy her little heart out. In fact, baby Caroline put on such a passionate performance that she brought Tuey to tears. We couldn't have been more proud. Thank God, my fears regarding the studio's ability to follow-thru with the recital were wrong!

Out Of Sight, BUT Definitely NOT Out Of Mind!

On Wednesday morning, Bob left the girls & I once more for North Carolina ... The airport scene was so sad. Angelina howled & cried - Caroline, on the otherhand, got really irritated with Angelina's non-stop sobbing & kept asking if Angelina was going to do "this" all night. Once Angelina finally stopped crying, Caroline started singing the following little ditty: "Someone's Daddy left for North Carolina and he's not coming baaaaccckkk." Of course, this triggered additional moaning & crying from Angelina & when I told Caroline to knock it off, she informed me that she was singing a song about some other kid's dad & the whole thing was just a mere "coincidence". Anyway, given the drama surrounding Bob's last trip to North Carolina, I made the wise decision to bring in some help this go-around - That's right, TUEY is staying at our house. The lady successfully entertains the girls for hours & hours AND they like her a hell of a lot more than they like me! My Mother is definitely one-of-a-kind. For the girls' birthdays this year, Tuey & Pappa bought them American Girl dolls ... AND, to ensure a totally fun experience, Pappa ordered Tuey her own American doll. So, all three of them sit in the playroom together, playing with their dolls. But since arriving at our house, the fun has not been limited to playing with dolls. Tuey has shown the girls how to apply mascara & curl their eyelashes with one of those mid-evil torture devices. But neither dolls nor mascara have been her greatest contribution - Tuey brought the girls the movie, "Kit Kittredge". In case you have never seen this movie (and somehow I doubt you have), it is about a little girl growing up during the Great Depression. She writes newspaper articles about her town's day-to-day struggles & eventually ends up with a published article about her own family's tragedies & triumphs. Well, when Caroline & I arrived home from today's dance rehearsal, we found Angelina going door-to-door handing out copies of her newspaper. That's right, for about two hours this afternoon, Little Angelina was Kitt Kittredge. Below is a copy of Angelina's newspaper. AND because we have such wonderful neighbors, they called & left messages for Angelina, telling her how touched they were by her article.

Love Makes Everything Better...

For the past three years, Caroline has had to endure being the tag-a-long kid. Since she popped out in March 2005, the poor child has been forced to suffer thru Angelina's many dance lessons, technical rehearsals, dress rehearsals, recital photo shoots, and recitals lasting in excess of 2 hours. And thru it all, Caroline has been a real trooper. In 2008, she persevered through the Mommy & Me ballet/tap class that was not chosen to perform at the recital. BUT 2009 was slated to be Caroline's year to shine. She has attended every dance class since August - she has rehearsed "Hip Hop Teddy Bear" (the tap number) & "Fairy Ballerina" (the ballet number) so many times that she can do the routines in her sleep. The big performance is next Saturday & sadly, this past Tuesday, Caroline's beloved dance teacher quit. The owner of the studio took over the class, but Caroline was understandably disappointed. Altho no one will disclose the details surrouding the teacher's sudden departure, I have a gnawing suspicion that the studio is not making payroll. Needles to say, I am a little worried (to put it mildly) that next Saturday's performance will not happen. I am trying to be optimistic & keeping my fingers crossed, but the down-economy, especially the failing real-estate market, is killing everything in Scottsdale. I definitely have empathy for the dance studio's owners - keeping a business afloat that depends upon families' expendable income is damn near impossible to do around here. Anyway, today was Caroline's group photo-shoot for the recital. Caroline was so excited because today was finally her chance to have HER photo taken. For once, she wasn't just tagging along, she was the ONE who had something to do. I did her hair & make-up, packed up her costumes & even arrived at the studio early to snag a good spot in the dressing room. Well, only one other child from the class showed up - as a result, there was no "group" photo. AND it's not hard to understand why so many people opted not to participe in the shoot - the photography studio set outrageous prices for the portraits. Anyway, please say a little prayer tonite that Caroline gets to make her big stage debut next Saturday!

Luckily, Baby Chippie's day had a happy ending. Caroline's boyfriend, Little Tanner, had his 4th Birthday Bash this afternoon. I can honestly say that I have never seen Caroline so excited. She picked out her swimsuit, her hair-bows, etc... As you can see from the photos below, Caroline shared a very special afternoon with the love of her life!