My IUD Horror Story

Well, I guess the title pretty much says it all. At some point during the next five years (the lifespan of my IUD), I have got to come up with some other form of birth control. Before I go on, please keep in mind that this post is not for persons with penises - why? Because there is no way that a person with a penis could appreciate the horrendous pain & anguish suffered by my girly parts during my recent IUD replacement. Seriously, my cervix & my uterus may need to seek counseling. That being said, here goes.... As many of you know, I received my 5-year IUD about 6 weeks after giving birth to Caroline. Not to be graphic, but when I went in, the Dr. basically tossed the damn thing in - I mean I had just had a baby, so there was no need to stretch anything - I think you get the picture. The experience was so easy, breezy that I had no fears about going in for my replacement. I had felt absolutely nothing the first time, so why would it be different this time? Oh Dear God, I am so stupid! When I walked into the examination room, I encountered my first clue that things were not going to go smoothly - On the "equipment table" sat a 6 INCH needle & syringe. Talk about panic setting in. When my Dr. came into the room, I said, "Hey, what 's that needle for"? She responded, "Well, you could do without it, but I wouldn't recommend it." FABULOUS. All I can say is "Sorry" to all of those poor women who were waiting to be seen that day - when that needle went in, I screamed. I'm not talking about a dainty yell, I am talking about an extremely loud, "OMG what the hell are you doing down there" scream. To fast forward, the Dr. removed my old IUD & put in the new one & instructed me to sit up. I sat up and then immediately passed out. That's right, folks I fell right over. The next thing I knew, the Dr. was shoving some foul smelling cotton stick up my nose. Before I go on, I must warn you that things only go down hill from this point. Anyway, after I sat up and drank some water, a nurse came in & said that she was instructed to help me get dressed. Talk about picking the wrong day not to wear underwear. Uggghhh. You know, when I got dressed that morning, I thought "Why wear underwear, I'm just going to have to take them off". So, the nurse hands me my bra, she hands me my dress & then she asks, "Ummmm.... where are your underwear"? I had to go into a long, awkward explanation as to why I wasn't wearing underwear. Hadn't I suffered enuf?!?!? Well, the answer to that question is "No." After getting into my car and driving off, I became incredibly sick - that's right I started vomiting in the car. Good thing, I always keep a plastic grocery bag in the front passenger seat. I had to pull over into a nearby hospital parking lot & call Bob to come and get me. Seriously ladies, this entire experience was worse than childbirth! My advice - get your husbands snipped!