WTF is up with muzzles for dogs? I know they can bark & all, but why waste a muzzle on a dog, when you could put it on a child? Seriously, when was the last time your dog barked something to a neighbor - something that you said behind closed doors, with absolutely no intention of it being made public & embarrassing the hell out of you? EXACTLY - Never!!! My children, on the otherhand, froth at the mouth with crap that should NEVER be said! I have had a week full of "will someone please muzzle my child" moments:
Caroline Can Solve The Immigration Crisis: For Christmas my parents bought Caroline the American Girl Doll, Josefina Montoya. As you can discern from the name, the doll is of Mexican descent and comes dressed in traditional Mexican attire. Hell, she even came with a pet goat. Anyway, every Thursday is "Show & Share" in Caroline's class at school. This past Thursday, Caroline decided to "Show & Share" Josefina Montoya - well, kind of. Before school, Caroline rummaged thru her doll clothes chest, disrobed Josefina & dressed her in leggings & a hoodie. THEN, she stuck a big, hot-pink bow in Josefina's hair. When "Show & Share" rolled around later that afternoon, Caroline introduced Josefina Montoya to her class as "Chloe". Caroline further explained that "Chloe" had arrived as a "Mexican", but that she had "fixed her" & transformed her into a real girl. I had another classmate's father jokingly inquire whether Bob & I stowed our white hoods in the trunk of our car or at home... Thank you, Caroline, thank you.
Your Secrets Are NOT Safe With Her: Our neighbor has a daughter in the 4th grade, who Angelina & Caroline absolutely adore. The little girl, who I will call "Jill", stops by the house occasionally & asks if the girls want to come play at her house. Unless we have to be somewhere, we let Angelina & Caroline go over to play. Well last weekend, after a 2 hour stint at Jill's house, Angelina & Caroline revealed that Jill & her friend spent the playdate "prank calling" people. For some bizarre reason, it was not until this very moment that Bob & I realized that our 5 year old daughter should not being hanging out with a 4th grader! Clearly, there is a HUGE difference between the two ages. THEN, after Caroline fell asleep for the nite, Angelina further confessed that Caroline had suggested Jill prank call the police - she didn't. Just fabulous, right? So, the very next day, I explained to Angelina & Caroline that I didn't think it was appropriate for them to be having playdates with Jill given the age difference. I suggested that if they wanted to play with Jill, they could all go to the park behind our house, where I could supervise. Look, I am not naive, I know that 10 year olds prank call people - hell I have personally prank called tons of people, but it's not what a 7 & 5 year should be doing in their spare time. So later that same week, when I drove to pick up Angelina from school, she asked if she could walk home with Jill. Because the school is one street over from our house & because I was tailing them in my car, I said, "Yes." When the girls passed Jill's house, Jill's mother came out to greet them. I pulled into our driveway & waited for Angelina to walk the rest of the way home. That's when Angelina yelled, "Mommy, come down here, Jill's Mom wants to talk to you." Immediately I knew that something was wrong ... my stomach dropped & my face felt like it was on fire. I reluctantly walked down to Jill's house. That's when Jill's mother explained that when Jill asked Angelina if she could come over to play, Angelina had explained that I was forbidding the girls from playing with Jill ever again - Because Jill was a bad influence. Talk about a deer caught in the headlites. Foolishly thinking that Angelina would back me up, I responded that in actuality, I had explained to the girls that Jill was interested in doing 4th grade things - things that they were not quite interested in yet. That's when Angelina said, "Mommy, that is NOT what you said... YOU SAID, that Jill was doing bad things & that you didn't want us playing with her anymore". Wow. The kid totally turned on me. It was awful. I went onto try & talk my way out of the situation, but Jill's mother clearly was not buying my explanation & I clearly wanted to run... AND I NEVER RUN!
2 comments:
I totally feel your pain. I am telling you- Caroline and Nathaniel were separated at birth. He greatly enjoys saying things that make my skin crawl like, "it's better to have light skin." They realize so quickly what is not okay to say- and then say it over and over where others can hear. Not too long ago Nathaniel was saying something that embarrassed me and I put my fingers right over his mouth and moved his lips so he couldn't speak anymore. I am always afraid of what he is going to say. Thanks for the laugh.
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